A New Defintion of Family
by Kasumi Hoshi Nishida
Summary: When Zack gets placed in the foster system, someone unexpected steps up to the plate and decides to lend a helping hand.


Here it is, by latest project. A Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego oneshot centering around the totally amazing family dynamic that I know Zack, Ivy, and Carmen have in there somewhere. The only thing that's missing is the CHIEF and believe me I wanted to have him in here but it just didn't play.

This is dedicated to those who still actually check the Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego category of more stories on a regular basis and to those who are still loyal to the classics! Woot! You guys rock!

Disclaimer: I don't own Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego. There! Hah! Suck on that!

* * *

A New Definition of Family

* * *

The first time Carmen realized something was off was when Tabitha and Steven appeared at her heist instead of her detectives. Carmen wasn't bothered by this. It was easily explained (illness, family emergency) and why should she waste energy on a normal occurrence? After the second heist she was curious (but not curious enough other than to put investigating said occurrence on her to do list). The third time in two weeks and Carmen sat down at her computer and hacked into the Acme computer system. It was time to get to the bottom of why Zack and Ivy were not showing up at her heists.

Hmm, what's this? Ivy is yelling at the CHIEF in the main room. Let's see what she's so angry about, Carmen thought as she brought up the sound of the security feed.

"Its not fair CHIEF!" Ivy was saying as she slammed her palms down onto the steel table. "Can't you do something?"

"I'm sorry Ivy, but legally Acme can't be Zack's guardians."

"Why not? What about you, you've taken care of us since Mom and Dad died."

"Ivy, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm a computer program," CHIEF proclaimed with exasperation. Then he softened noticeably as Ivy gazed at him with a hurt expression.

"I'm sorry Ivy, but your aunt had legal custody of Zack and you. Now that she's passed away, Zack is a ward of the state. Your aunt was special, she let you work here as a tribute to your parents. Unfortunately the state isn't so understanding, especially when it comes to Zack because he is only 14."

"But the government can't just take him away!" Ivy screamed. Then she looked down, softly adding, "He's my brother."

Carmen stopped cold. The government took Zack away? This was not acceptable. Not only was Carmen without her detectives, but Ivy was miserable and angry and Zack was probably fairing no better. Thinking back to her days in the San Francisco Orphanage, Carmen shuddered. She did not want Zack to have to be in that kind of environment for long. He was her detective, and mortal enemies though they may be, Carmen would do anything in her power to protect him and his sister.

She was jolted out of her memories by Ivy's voice coming over the link.

"You don't understand CHIEF. I promised Zack. I promised him when mom and dad died that I'd look after him, that I'd protect him. How can I do that when he's in some foster home and they won't even let me see him!"

Oh Ivy, Carmen thought. Even though she didn't always show it, Ivy cared deeply for her younger brother. Suddenly resolute on what she had to do Carmen grinned wickedly. Heaven help the person who tried to take Zack away from Ivy, for they would know the wrath of both Acme and Vile. After all, Carmen mused, Zack and Ivy are my detectives. And nobody messes with my detectives.

"Harkness," Carmen called to her second in command.

"Yes Carmen," he answered quickly, entering the room without a moment of hesitation.

"I'm going to San Francisco. All my projects are to be put on hold until after I get back."

"Yes Carmen. Do you want me to get your Dr. Sandra Cogemeni persona together?"

She looked sharply at him, trying to figure out how much he knew. All she got in return was an answering smirk. Then she smiled. Thank goodness for intelligent henchmen, even if they were cheekier than the normal breed.

"Well, since you already know the answer to that question, can you also prepare the Townhouse for me and two guests?" She asked, curious as to the extent of his deductive reasoning.

"Already done, ma'am."

"Very good Harkness."

* * *

Zack was miserable. Not the miserable (I have a cold miserable) or even the (my dog just died miserable) but the ultimate miserable. The orphanage was horrible. Not purposefully horrible, Zack conceded. The matron was kind and meant well but she couldn't singularly deal with 46 minors and run the business of the orphanage. Zack was pushed aside, so that the matron and volunteers could help the small children. At 14 Zack was just old enough to be viewed as self-reliant, but young enough so that he was not trusted at all. Worse still, some local bullies had decided they didn't like his face (they said face, but as far as Zack was concerned they didn't like the fact that he could run circle around them and they couldn't navigate their way out of a paper bag). And as he didn't want to get in trouble for beating up three childish bullies, he decided that the old standby of running and hiding was the safest bet.

Of course that method was not always fool-proof. Thus resulted with him having several livid looking bruises showing off the bullies' handiwork when he wasn't able to deflect their hits in time. The only safe spot in the entire orphanage was the roof on which Zack was currently located. The summer heat of California was practically nonexistent today because of cloud cover.

Zack was leisurely passing the time by re-reading Oliver Twist. He did not miss the irony one bit.

Ivy, if only you could be my relation that I didn't know I had. Then I could make my great escape, Zack thought wishfully. Maybe if we get chief to make us some fake documents and put Ivy in a wig she could pass for my great aunt twice removed. Though I'm pretty sure that would get Acme shut down. And then we'd have to go to Vile. Zack paused for a second, musing on how ironic it would be if Ivy and him joined Vile. He smiled in grim amusement at the thought that right now he would even allow himself to be adopted by Carmen Sandiego if it would get him out of this orphanage and back to Ivy.

A car pulled up to the curb in front of the building, slashing through his train of though like a hot knife through butter. Out stepped a tall lady with thick black hair, neatly pulled into an elegantly styled knot. Zack dismissed this lady, with her business-like suit and modest but efficient car, as a social services employee and went back to reading.

A half an hour later, when Miss Coverly, the orphanage matron, called him down to her office, he had all but forgotten the lady with black hair. But she made a reappearance in Miss Coverly's office and this time Zack stopped dead when seeing her. Now that he was standing not six feat away he could easily recognize the elegant features and impeccable tastes of his and Ivy's rival/enemy/_. Carmen Sandiego sat across from Miss Coverly in a high backed sitting room chair, looking calm as could be, not even giving the faintest trace that anything out of the ordinary was going on.

Zack on the other hand was sure his mouth was falling open. However he was woken from this state by Miss Coverly's strong voice.

"Ah, Zackary. Please sit down," she motioned to the chair next to Carmen and Zack gingerly placed himself on the edge of it, all the world looking like he wanted to bolt.

Miss Coverly smiled happily at him. This set Zack on edge. Even in the two weeks he'd been here he already knew that this particular smile was reserved only for those children lucky enough to be adopted.

"This is Dr. Sandra Cogemeni."

Carmen – or rather Sandra – practically beamed under Zack's scrutiny.

"It's nice to meet you Zack. I've beard so much about you."

She stuck out here hand for a customary greeting and, on autopilot, Zack shook it before sitting in the chair as far away from Carmen as physically possible.

What is Carmen doing here, he asked himself. Shouldn't she be somewhere else, probably plotting her next crime from a secret subterranean base in the Alps or a Cliffside condo in Peru? Why is she here?

"Dr. Cogemeni would like to adopt you," Miss Coverly announced. Zack was both outwardly and inwardly stunned. On the one hand, ever since Zack saw Carmen here he had a feeling she was up to something. There was just no other reason for her to be here, in this orphanage besides wanting to adopt him. Either that or tormenting him, but that wasn't her style frankly. She was a thief sure, but she wasn't purposefully mean or evil. On the other hand, he couldn't believe that she was actually here in this orphanage.

"Adopt me?" He stuttered wildly.

"Yes, Zack," Carmen answered. Then she turned to Miss Coverly. "Perhaps you could give us a few minutes alone."

"Of course, Dr. Cogemeni," and with that the matron left the room, closing the door behind her, leaving Zack alone with the greatest thief in the world.

"Calm down Zack," Carmen drawled in her classic playful yet rich tone. "You're shaking."

He decided to ignore that comment as Carmen's eyes clearly conveyed the fact that she was enjoying his suffering immensely. Thus he settled on merely rubbing the bridge of his nose in hopes of preemptively combating the headache that was sure to rear its ugly head.

"When I said that I wouldn't mind if Carmen Sandiego would be the one to adopt me, I didn't think that my Murphy's Law would be this powerful," Zack grumbled to himself.

"What was that?" Carmen asked with false politeness. The smirk on her face however said that she had heard exactly what Zack said.

He decided to stop beating around the bush and came out with a false bravo.

"Why are you here Carmen?"

Before Carmen could speak Zack realized the possible double-endedness of the question and held up his hand to stall any smart-alec comments by the master thief.

"And I don't mean why you here in this orphanage. Your reasoning is pretty clear here. But for one, how did you even know that I was in the system?"

"After the third time you and Ivy didn't show up at I heist, I decided to come and see what was so important that you had to miss out on our dates."

Translation: I was worried and I came looking to see if anything was wrong. Or at least that's what Zack assumed she was staying.

But then again, I don't really know what goes on in her head, Zack mused. Carmen, Ivy, and I have a weird relationship.

"Imagine my surprise when, after listening to your sister yell at the Chief, I discovered that you were put into this orphanage. Naturally, I was quite distressed over this predicament and decided to do something about it. So here I am to adopt you."

* * *

When Carmen pulled up in front of the San Francisco Orphanage, she was eerily reminded of a time not too long ago. The building wasn't the same, nor was the orphan, but the situation made Carmen's heart heavy.

The building itself was stationed on a lonely street-corner. Open patios and the variation of roof levels suggested a late Victorian style. The plaque above the door proclaimed 'San Francisco Home for Children' in large block letters. It was a pleasant home, as far as orphanages go, but there was something lacking, something missing from the atmosphere. This building was nice, its caretakers meant well but there was an instinctual feeling that it lacked. The orphanage was a place to live, a shelter, rather than a place to belong, like a true home might be.

She was distracted from those philosophical renderings by a glimpse of a shockingly blonde head on the roof of one of the upper levels. Trust Zack to do the improbable and find a way to the roof.

The door bell ringing and quiet introduction she gave to the Orphanage Matron, a one Miss Coverly, was enough to gain entrance into the house. Miss Coverly lead Carmen to her office, a no nonsense kind of a place but was nothing like the one from 'Annie'. There was an oak desk with haphazard stacks of paper strewn across it and one chair behind it and two in front. On one wall was a bookshelf with everything from bibles to child care how-to books. On another were several prints of several famous paintings, two of which she'd stolen before.

Miss Coverly gestured to one of the high backed chairs that faced the one she was currently settling herself into behind the desk.

"Now then, Dr. Cogemeni, what can I help you with?"

Carmen neatly sat in the indicated chair, opened her purse and pulled out a picture.

"I was hoping you might be able to help me located and possibly adopt this boy. His name is Zackary (Zack) Williams," she handed the picture over to the Matron. The snapshot featured Zack and Ivy during a normal day, Ivy practicing some sort of martial art with Zack trying to sneak up behind her armed with a water gun. The look of innocent mischief that Zack was so known for was clearly visible on his face.

"Ah yes, but how do you know Zackary?"

"I was a friend of their parents. When Lillian and Henry passed all those years ago, their aunt Jenifer was willing and able to take them in and so I was fully confident they would go to a safe and loving home. However, word reached me that Jenifer also passed away in an unfortunate bicycling accident and since Zack is only 14 I thought I should see if there was any way I could adopt him. He probably doesn't remember me that well as he was only 5 when his parents died and since then I've been in and out of the country doing research," Carmen finished, hoping this would be enough to convince the Matron.

Luckily it was. Miss Coverly looked appropriately effected by the story and the dramatic pauses complete with watery eyes she'd added in to help it along.

"Well, the final decision lands ultimately on Zack's shoulders."

"Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Very well, I'll call him down and re-introduce you two."

Miss Coverly yelled up the stairs for Zack and a few minutes later soft footfalls could be heard on the stairs. Then a knock at the door signaled Zack's arrival.

"Come in Zackary," Miss Coverly called.

Zack entered the room and then stopped dead at seeing Carmen. Really it was actually quite funny. Carmen was sure this was the first time she'd actually since someone pull off the deer-caught-in-the-headlights look so well. Zack definitely hadn't been expecting to see her at the orphanage.

Miss Coverly bade him enter and then introduced them, all the while Zack was staring at Carmen and Carmen smirked at him. Finally the bombshell was dropped and Zack looked like he wanted to run or at least have a very mild panic attack.

Carmen turned to Miss Coverly and asked if they might have a few minutes alone. The Matron complied and Carmen refocused her attention back onto Zack. This time she noticed that he was shaking ever so slightly.

"Calm down Zack. You're shaking," she pointed out to him.

Zack didn't make any motion to confirm whether or not he'd heard. Instead he seemed to be trying to fight off a headache.

"When I said that I wouldn't mind if Carmen Sandiego would be the one to adopt me, I didn't think that my Murphy's Law would be this powerful," Zack muttered out loud.

He was so desperate that he wouldn't mind me adopting him? Carmen thought, somewhat alarmed. This must really be serious. Outwardly though she only asked him to repeat what he'd said, trying to get a rise out of him. He didn't and they moved on to the heart of the matter. When Zack asked how she found out that he was in the system she was almost insulted. Zack and Ivy were her detectives. Obviously she went looking for them since they were missing and she told him as such.

"After the third time you and Ivy didn't show up at I heist, I decided to come and see what was so important that you had to miss out on our dates. Imagine my surprise when, after listening to your sister yell at the Chief, I discovered that you were put into this orphanage. Naturally, I was quite distressed over this predicament and decided to do something about it. So here I am to adopt you."

"As simple as that?"

"As simple as that."

"But what about the whole Heir Apparent quest you tried to pull on us? You all but handed us the keys to your empire if we would have been thieves. Are you going to try to brainwash me or something into becoming your minion? Because I won't. I could never betray Ivy." Zack looked increasingly flustered as the conversation when on.

"Zack, calm yourself,"

Zack took a few cleansing breathes, trying to weed out excess tension. He looked a tad calmer afterwards.

"Don't worry detective, I'm not trying to turn you into a thief. My actions for this actually aren't that noble. I'm simply protecting what's mine."

Zack shot her a confused glance.

Carmen laughed softly at him.

"Oh Zack, its not that complicated. All my life I've been alone, except for the CHIEF, of course. But when Ivy and you started chasing me I've had someone who finely understands me, who is as intelligent, as brave, and as daring as me. Whether you and Ivy like it or not, you're both now my detectives. I won't let anyone hurt you, be it giant sharks, Dr. Maelstrom or even the US government."

Carmen was a little embarrassed. She'd never shared this much about her past with anyone. But Zack didn't let her down. He simply thought about it for a moment and then shook his head.

"So I assume you have a plan for how this will work once we get out of here?"

Carmen smirked.

"Why my dear detective, did you expect anything less?"

"No, but you're going to have to be the one that deals with Ivy."

* * *

"Emergency! Ivy! Emergency!" CHIEF yelled from somewhere near Ivy's alarm clock.

"What is it CHIEF?" Ivy asked groggily. "Its seven in the morning , can't it wait?"

"No Ivy, we have big trouble! And I mean REALLY big trouble!"

"Well, what is it?"

"Zack's been adopted!"

"WHAT!" Ivy yelled, her heart stopping cold.

"And that's not the worst of it gumshoe. The person who adopted Zack is named Sandra Cogemeni which is an anagram of -"

"Carmen Sandiego!"

Ivy's heart turned to ice. Her little brother was in the hands of the world's most notorious thief. Logically, Ivy knew that Zack was safe. Carmen had never hurt either one of them. In fact, generally, Carmen was the one that tried to protect them from harm. But as a big sister Ivy didn't like to think that Zack was anywhere near their enemy.

"Do you know where they are?"

CHIEF made a noise indicative of shuffling papers around and pulled up a map of San Francisco onto the screen.

"I have here that Dr. Sandra Cogemeni owns a large town house in downtown San Francisco. It's about two miles away from our current location."

Ivy was changed and out the door in three seconds. She hurriedly grabbed her skateboard, helmet and pads from the garage before setting off down the street, the map with its large X marking where Zack was burned in her mind.

Hang on, little bro, she said to herself, hoping against hope that the mental message could reach her wayward brother.

Five minutes later she stopped in front of a large, modern, two-story house, centered almost scarily close to the Acme headquarters. Now what? Was Zack even here? What if Carmen took him to another one of her bases, out of California entirely? What if they were already in a different country?

Oh well, no use thinking about the what ifs, Ivy urged herself. Right now you have this lead to go on so march up to that front door and demand to see Zack.

With the pep talk out of the way, Ivy rang to doorbell. Best to be polite first and knock down the down second.

However what she was expecting to see when the door opened was not what she found. Instead of coming face to face with one of Carmen's blue and red henchmen she was plodded over by a small, blond blob that attached itself to her front and wouldn't let go.

"Ivy!" It said, muffled by her usual green jacket. At least she thought that's what it said. All the really mattered was that it was Zack and her brother was safe.

"Zack!"

The two siblings embraced tightly, neither one wanting to let go of the other. Three weeks of separation had felt like years to these two, who had never been apart for more than a day. When they broke apart both were more than a little teary eyed.

"Ivy, I'm so glad you're here," Zack managed to say once he calmed down a bit.

"Why? Carmen hasn't done anything to you has she?"

"No, but if you had appeared ten seconds later than I would have lost the bet!"

"Bet! What bet?"

"The bet, my dear Ivy," Carmen Sandiego said, appearing in the doorway, "that your brother and I had on what time you'd arrive here. I said you'd be here in 15 minutes (taking into account traffic and whether conditions). Zack said it would take you less than 10 minutes from the moment you learned where he was. Now I own Zack five dollars."

"Zack!" Ivy hissed at her brother. "I was out of my mind with worry and you were making bets on me?"

"It was just a little one?" Somehow that sounded more like a question than an answer and Ivy all but threw her hands up into the air in exhasperation.

"Now why don't we all come inside. Ivy, would you like some breakfast? Zack and I were just sitting down to it as you arrived," Carmen motioned that Ivy should follow her and Zack back into the house.

Later, when sitting down to breakfast at a small circular table in Carmen Sandiego's kitchen, Ivy couldn't help but notice the strange feeling that accompanied it. She couldn't identify it though. It didn't feel 'wrong' per say, but rather different. It was something she hadn't felt in a long, long time.

"Alright both of you. Spill," Ivy told Zack and Carmen. Both looked entirely too innocent, Carmen drinking leisurely from her coffee mug and Zack spreading a heaping of jam on a piece of toast.

Some small measure of communication passed between them and Carmen sighed before starting to talk.

"I suppose this is all my fault. After the third time you and Zack didn't show up at my heist I became worried that something had happened. I hacked into your security system and found that Zack had been placed into the foster system. Naturally this distressed me so I decided to do something about it."

"And by doing something about it, you decided to adopt Zack," Ivy said with a raised eyebrow.

"I thought that would be the easiest option, yes." Carmen smirked at Ivy. Ivy couldn't exactly see the humor in the situation or why Zack was laughing behind his toast.

"Is there something you want to say Zack?"

"Don't worry Ivy," her little brother told her with a secret smile. "It's not half as complicated once Carmen explains the plan."

"And what is the plan exactly?"

Carmen appeared to decide to take pity on her and let her into the loop.

"It's quite simple. I adopted Zack under the persona of Dr. Sandra Cogemeni, a reclusive biologist that lives in San Francisco. To the rest of the world, Dr. Cogemeni was a friend of your parents and cared about Zack well-being so she decided to take him in. In order to make him happy she reluctantly agrees to let him go back to his work at Acme (after, of course, chewing CHIEF out to make sure that nothing will happen to Zack). Meanwhile, Carmen Sandiego continues to steal objects from around the world, leaving clues for her detectives along the way."

"But CHIEF and I knew who you were," Ivy pointed out.

"Yes but that's only because you know me and I wanted you to find Zack."

"Come on Ivy," Zack pleaded. "I think that this could actually work."

Ivy could feel a very large headache coming on. Her brother and her enemy were working together to get her to agree to one of the most insane ideas either had come up with.

But this way she could stay with Zack. He wouldn't grow up in an orphanage and she knew that Carmen would look after him.

On the other, this was Carmen Sandiego, the world's most notorious thief.

Yes, but you said it yourself, a little voice in her head pointed out. Carmen would never harm Zack in any way shape or form.

"Suppose I say yes," Ivy mused to the general table out loud. "You know that wherever Zack goes I go right?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Carmen smiled. "I already have another room set up next to Zack's. This way you won't have to sleep in the Acme headquarters anymore."

"I won't even ask how you know this," Ivy muttered with a sigh. She eyed a jar of canned peaches and decided to try some. Zack took this as a sign that she was on board and moved on to safer topics.

"By the way Carmen, you still owe my five dollars."

Carmen smiled her secret smile (really if Ivy didn't know any better she would have said that Carmen Sandiego was Da Vinci's inspiration for the Mona Lisa) and handed over a crisp five.

"Of course Zack, here you go."

"Thanks Carmen," Zack said and dug out his wallet so as to put his winnings in a somewhat safe place. Then he took a double take.

"Hey, I had another five in here yesterday, where did it -"

He was cut off by Carmen's laughter which answered his unasked question. Make that a not exactly somewhat safe place anymore.

"Carmen! No fair, you can't do that!"

As Zack and Carmen continued to bicker Ivy was struck by a sudden thought. The feeling that she was puzzling over, the one she hadn't felt for a while. Now she had identified it. It was the feeling of being home. It had disappeared after her parents died but now, here in this warm cozy kitchen, surrounded by her brother and her enemy-turned-foster mother, it had returned. And Ivy knew that now she was home.

* * *

Well there you have it. My latest project is complete. Yes, I know the ending is cheesy and yes I know its all very cliche. But I'm quite pround of myself and I happen to like it. I hope you'll forgive me for the cheesyness and may the pros outweigh the cons.

By the way, I have many a more projects to get working on but I'd like your opinions on what I should do. If any of y'all have a burning desire to say something then just PM me as to let me know. I hope you like this one though, I've been sitting on it a while.

Your loyal author,

Kasumi Hoshi Nishida


End file.
